"We are always too busy for our children; we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish them with gifts; but the most precious gifts, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly."
-Mark Twain
Emerson states that "the only gift is a portion of thyself." To give a gift that has nothing to do with who you are as a person is not to give a gift at all but to tell a lie. Today's gifts are but reflection's of others' talents, of their work and life, not of our own. Therefore, Emerson believes (or would believe) that every time we go to a shop and buy a "heartfelt" gift, we are but telling the receiver that they are not worth our real self.
The essayist holds the receiver to the same high standards though. Too often do we feign excitement or even gratitude for having received a gift, when in actuality we have no interest in it and don't believe it suits our personality at all. Too often does the giver expect such displays of false thanks. Emerson believes that the pinnacle of giving and receiving is to neither expect anything in return, nor to give anything back, but to merely accept and move on, having understood that that is all there is to a gift. A moment of perfect accord between two people.
Children are the best gift-givers. As children we have not a penny to our names, we do not understand the material concept of money, nor do we pretend to. Currency is an abstract idea that we cannot grasp, and so as children we don't exchange money for "gifts," tokens of our appreciation, but rather we are forced to give as Emerson tells us to. That is, we give something of ourselves.
We all remember being five or six and sitting in kindergarten listening to the teacher announce that Mother's Day is coming up and that we should make something for our own mother in appreciation. And after a few days work, handing her that hand-made card, or painting, or clay thing-a-ma-bobber that really has no purpose other than to represent your little kid love. Honestly, have you ever given a gift that gave your mom as much joy as when you were five?
As kid's are the best givers, mom's are the best receivers. I disagree with Emerson here, I don't believe the best receivers are neither "glad [n]or sorry at a gift," but rather that whatever emotion they express, they express with the utmost honesty. No matter what her child hands her, no matter how useless or silly looking it is, a mother cannot help but be genuinely ecstatic at whatever it is she is given from the five-year-old hands of her child. I think this is because a mother is in some way transported back to whatever age her child is experiencing. As the child grows, so does she.
As children grow up, their ability to give and receive gifts fades. Today, we all (that means myself included) expect the latest gadget or the newest clothes. Therefore as givers, we want to meet the expectations of the receivers and our gifts are no longer something given as a desire to give something of ourselves to another, but rather to please the tastes of the receiver.
Perhaps this year for Christmas I'll make my mom a useless thing out of clay, and perhaps she'll love it more than anything I could have had gift-wrapped.
3 comments:
I LOVE when you referred to the ideal connection between two people when a gift is given as a "moment of accord." You captured the simplicity and depth of the spirit of giving, and also materialized the implicit connection between both the giver and receiver.
I agree that this mutual understanding is the ideal for giving, but I also know it's a hard thing to attain. When I receive a gift, I want to use all the word I know to convey my gratefulness or delight. In reality, it doesn't take a lot of words. a "moment of accord" is perfectly suitable.
You captured this idea spot-on, and I'm so glad you could explain what I couldn't find the words for! (if i had tried, there doubtlessly would've been a lot of them. haha)
I thought this was a great exploration into Emerson's idea of gifts. My favorite was when you spoke of how children are the best gift givers for they embrace what they do have and make the most of it. So your younger sibling may not be getting you a new ipod for Christmas, but rather a piece of paper with 3 colored lines on it and a little scribble which they so proudly declare to be their signature, it should mean more. Though as a recipient of a gift, we are all guilty of just wanting for the sake of being the first to have something, a younger sibling's "artwork" as a Christmas present is more heartfelt than a gift that say a parent bought with a tag attached saying it is from a younger sibling.
it is so hard to give gifts, and though some people claim to be "great gift givers", I think Emerson would say that they are not great at this task at all, for many of the self proclaimed "great gift-givers" give a material gift that, although it is nice and appreciated, does not warrant the same response as a gift that "is a piece of thyself" as Emerson would put it. I think you showed this point well in the beginning when you spoke of how today's gifts are not a reflection of our own talents.
Great job amy!
I totally remember those Mother's Day gifts that we made in pre-school! I remember one time we hand-printed a hot pad for a Mother's Day gift, my mom still has it and my hand were so small.
It's true that children are the best gift-givers because kids actually make the presents. The gift represents the life and talent of the child, not anyone elses. Emerson states that a gift should represent that "man’s biography", which I feel pre-school arts and crafts gifts represents perfectly. I remember making picture frames out of popsicle sticks and macaroni, then taking a polaroid picture and gluing it inside the frame. This was the perfect present for mom on Mother's Day because she could keep it forever and when you grew older she would still have it and remind her of her little cute baby.
I also really like how you proved that monetary value means nothing again with pre-school gifts. Material wealth means nothing, the importance of a gift is to give a portion of oneself, not apart of some craftmans labor. Children do not have the money to purchase a gift, so they make one by hand. It is the love and passion behind the gift that counts, not the material value.
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